Apples to Apples
by Pastaaaaaaa
Summary: Slightly Cracky / The Axis and Allies get together to play a game of Apples to Apples. 8D Funness ensues or somesuch. / Hints of GerIta, USUK, Russia - Everybody, France - Everybody / Rating for France. Lol.


Apples to Apples, Hetalia style. Crack, I guess? Haha.

How this story came about is in the A/N at the end of the story, if you're curious. 8D

Anyway, this is only for one game of Apples to Apples. 8D

It's mildly humorous, could be funnier, though.

Country names used, human names used in the event of two countries being close enough to use them. Or one thinking he's close enough to use it.

Hints of GerIta and USUK.  
Russia - Everybody  
France - Everybody

Enjoitsu.

* * *

"Okay. So this is how you play!" America held a hand up with half the Red Apple cards held in it, he waved them around for everybody to see.

The seven other faces in the room each had various expressions on them, ranging from mild irritation to extreme excitement. A couple had completely blank faces that couldn't be read, but America paid them no mind.

"You all get seven Red Apples and you have to always have seven Red Apples in your hand so every time you use one you have to pick up another one from the pile. But don't worry, I'll deal it out to you!"

He dealt seven cards out to each of the eight bodies present, first England then China, Russia, France, Italy, Germany, Japan and then himself. He hummed his national anthem cheerfully to himself as he went along, ignoring the looks he was getting from England and Russia. Once everybody had seven cards, he held up the green cards for everybody to see.

"These are the Green Apples!" he announced, raising his voice so he could be sure everybody heard it. "When it's your turn to be the judge, you pick a Green Apple and you read what's on it out to everybody. Then everybody has to pick a Red Apple that they think matches the Green Apple." he flashed a grin. "You can pick something that matches, or you can pick something that's funny. OR you can pick something that you think the JUDGE will like- that's called Playing to the Judge, ya know?"

Each country organized their cards to their liking while America drew a green card and waited for everybody to let him know they were ready. Once everybody finished messing with their hands and glanced up towards America he looked at the card and grinned.

"The Green Apple is… _Angelic_." England sputtered as America continued, "_Adorable, virtuous, divine. Angelic._" He put the card in the middle of the table they were all sitting at and waited. "So now you all pick a card from your hand to play with it!"

There were some groans around the table and some declarations of "shitty hand."

Once each country had finally placed a card down- with some coddling from Germany to Italy who tried to put his red card down face up more than once.

America snatched all the cards up and began reading them off.

"A Ski Lodge… is not really Angelic." America blinked.

"Ah! But all the snow~"

America ignored Russia's outburst and continued on.

"Neither is… A Lobotomy. Uh… Neither is the Inside of a Fishbowl." America raised an eyebrow, causing Japan to blush and pointedly look away from everybody else. "These all suck." a wave of laughter rounded the table.

"Mon dieu, you dealt us all bad hands!"

America laughed, "No! You don't know how to play!" he grinned again and returned to the cards he had. "Picket Lines and Office Cubicles aren't Angelic…" he pointed at the two cards left in his had. "Gwen Stefani is not really Angelic." he threw the card down onto the discard with the others.

"Ah, but she is something." France chuckled. He, too, went ignored.

"So I guess that means Belly Dancers win!" America said with a wink towards England, causing the older nation to flush.

"Ve~? That means I win?" Italy asked, looking towards America.

America laughed, "Well I guess so, Italy." he flicked the card towards Italy who made no motions to catch it. Instead, Germany reached out and caught the card before it hit Italy in the face. He shot a look towards America who let out a nervous laugh in response to the glare Germany was giving him.

America grabbed the cards up and dealt everybody else a new card, he held the green cards up to England. "Your turn, Arthur!" England narrowed his eyes at the younger nation and France chuckled lowly.

England snatched the top card and read it off for everybody, "_Wacky_. _Zany, crazy, madcap._" He snorted, mumbling to himself, "Madcap."

He watched as each country shuffled through their cards, blinking when France immediately threw a card down, a coy smile playing across his lips. Japan followed a moment later and everybody else followed shortly after.

England picked all the cards up, and mixed them around. His eyes widened for a moment before shooting a glance at France who stared back with a blank face.

He composed his expression, "Wiener Dogs are not Wacky." he tossed the card onto the discard pile and began examining the remaining ones. He glanced up when he heard Russia begin "kol"ing in his general direction.

England's eyes widened and he scooted his chair closer to America who threw an arm around England's shoulders, hugging him close. England stared for a moment before shoving America off of himself, nearly knocking his former charge from his chair and onto the ground in his haste to get away. "Get off of me, you git." England snapped before going back to the green cards, ignoring Russia's creepy noises.

"MTV Music Awards and Rodeo-" Russia's "kol"ing got louder, "Clowns." England continued, trying to ignore the wave of creep rolling towards him from the other side of China.

"Vladimir Lenin…" England shook his head, "Wacky, but no." He set that down, "Crazed Baboons…" he hmmed to himself keeping the card in his hand, "Charlie Chaplin." he placed that card down, "Yes, but…" he eyed the two cards he had left. "Crazed Baboons and…" he glanced at America out of the corner of his eye, "The First Amendment."

"What!" America stood up immediately, slamming his hands down on the table, "That's not wacky at _all_!" he insisted, blue eyes wide, scouring the table before landing on France, who sat still, face extremely emotionless. "You!"

"Moi?" France asked, flickering innocent eyes up to America. He opened his mouth to continue but England chose that moment to bring some sort of order.

England grabbed America's wrist and forced him back into his seat, "Calm down you prat, it's just a game." he grinned. "But I think I'll give the card to…" France held out his hand, "Crazed Baboons."

France dropped his hand, gasping, "But Angleterre!" England smiled and held the card out to Japan who had quietly made it known that that was his card.

England ignored France and sat back in his chair while America passed another card out to each player- flicking the card as hard as he could towards France, who simply caught it- and England passed the green cards down to China.

China grabbed a card and flipped it over, reading it off immediately, "_Nauseating_, aru!" he made a face and shot a look to Russia who responded with a hurt look of his own, "_Revolting, gross, sickening._" He kept his eyes on Russia as he spoke and finally looked away when he placed the card down on the table.

"Yao." Russia spoke.

China ignored him, refusing to answer Russia if he used his human name because he had _not_ given him permission to use it.

Russia pouted, "One day you will all become one, da?" he smiled to himself, not noticing the way everybody shivered and shifted away from him.

China gathered up all of the cards once they were all played down and looked through them silently, reordering them in his hand.

"Crowds at the Mall are not Nauseating, aru. Neither is the Bermuda Triangle or Credit Card Bills." he placed each card down as he read it off, "A Macho Man is not Nauseating either, aru." A laugh came from his right and England slapped America's shoulder, hushing him.

"Fungus is Nauseating but…" China placed the card down, "A Daddy Long Legs, too…" he held up the last card so everybody could see, "Termites are the worst, aru!"

A little "ya-ho!" came from the other side of the table and Italy bounced in his seat. "I win another card! Ludwig, I'm winning!"

Germany twitched when Feliciano suddenly launched himself from his own chair to Germany's, wrapping his arms tightly around the blushing German before China handed the card over to Italy who hugged it to himself instead of Germany before carefully putting it on top of the other green card he already had.

America laughed, "You're just lucky!" he passed out the next round of cards.

Russia stared intently at China as the green cards were handed to him. That unnerving, innocent smile Russia always wore looked glued on. He drew a card and redirected his attention to it after another moment of staring, China squirming under his gaze.

"Ah~!" Russia giggled, "My card is… _Hard & Fast_." another giggle, this one from France. "_Unchanging, rigid, unwavering._"

"VE~!" Italy threw a card down instantly, drawing everybody's attention.

Everybody else followed at a slower pace, France chuckling more as he put his card down.

Russia scooped all the cards up and read through them one at a time.

"Da! Stampeding Cattle are Hard & Fast." he placed the card down on the table. "Job Interviews?" a quizzical expression crossed his face and he tilted his head at the card.

"Oh, but they could be!" France declared with a flourish, his voice holding a hint of amusement.

"You perverted frog!" England yelled across to him, "Only in _your_ house do interviews go like that!"

Russia sat silently with a smile on his face as the bickering continued. Germany's eye twitched and finally he couldn't take it anymore. He stood and slammed his hands on the table, "Be quiet!"

France and England both looked towards Germany and settled back down into their seats while Russia continued reading his cards, "The Seven Deadly Sins are not Hard & Fast… The Eye of the Storm? Nyet." He placed his "no" cards in a pile next to the Stampeding Cattle card.

Russia paused for a moment, reading the card over a couple times. "A Sperm Whale." a bubbling of laughter bounced around the table again. Russia frowned and put the card in his "no" pile.

"Wildfires."

America started laughing, and not the quiet laugh that echoed around the table when a funny card was read, no. His loud, obnoxious laugh that rang through the room and then some.

All eyes turned to America and there they stayed until his laughter died down.

Nobody said a word and America offered no explanation.

"Nyet." Russia said softly, coldness rising off of him in waves.

"Spartans." he said finally, "are Hard & Fast."

Once again Italy jumped out of his seat, laughing and flailing his arms around. "I win again! I get another one!" he hugged Germany again, this time pressing a kiss to each cheek.

Russia handed the card to Italy who bounced around with it a bit more before Germany forced him back into his seat.

"Feliciano, _sit down_ if you want to play more, got."

"Oh!" America spoke loudly, "That reminds me! You win by getting four green cards since there's eight of us."

"Ve~!" Italy bounced, "Ludwig, I just need one more!" Germany nodded, not quite paying attention to Italy and gathering their two cards as America passed them out.

France gathered his green card up and peered at it in secret before announcing what it was, "_Offbeat._ _Eccentric, quirky et unconventional._" He nodded to himself before placing the card on the table and sitting back in his seat to wait for the pile of cards he knew was to come.

Italy took his time in choosing his card this round, announcing in mild annoyance that he didn't really have anything that fit that card.

America did the same, watching while England and Japan showed no hesitation in placing their cards. China and Russia took a bit longer, but they still beat Germany, America and Italy- who was last- in getting their cards down.

France picked up the cards and shuffled through them slowly- much slower than any other nation had.

"Would you hurry up you bloody frog?"

"Ah, but where is the fun in rushing?" he said with a coy smile.

England flushed in anger and, once again, scooted closer to America who almost threw his arm around the British nation again before seeming to think better of it.

"Mon amis," France began, laughing and looking around the table, "Pop Rocks? Soap Operas?" with another laugh he tossed the two cards onto the table. "Et… Sitting on Santa's Lap?" a dark look crossed France's face, "But it could be fun."

The box of remaining Apples to Apples cards was suddenly launched across the table at France's face, sending cards flying everywhere.

"You dodgy, beastly frog!"

"Hey! We weren't finished with those, Arthur!"

"Ve~ I was so close to winning!"

Germany patted Italy on the head, hushing the Italian. He, for the most part, ignored the rest of the countries present, figuring it was easier than trying to draw them to order every two minutes.

"What was the point of the game, aru?"

Russia rose from his seat, smiling pleasantly, "To become one, da?"

All eyes turned to Russia, a stray cry of "Well at least your _eyebrows_ can keep le petit America warm in the winter!" breaking the silence before France realised nobody else was speaking. Russia's eyes fell on the boisterous French nation.

Germany grabbed Italy's hand and began dragging him towards the door, getting him as far from Russia as possible. As he passed Japan his free hand took hold of the small man's wrist and pulled him out of the room as well, leaving the former Allies to deal with the crazy Russian.

China scooted away, slipping under the table and sneaking his way towards the door. England and America chose to make their escape while Russia was occupied with France who, having the knowledge of now being alone with the intimidating nation, was quite literally shaking in his boots.

Russia brandished his water pipe and pulled France even closer to himself with it, wrapping an arm around the blond's shoulders.

"You will become one, da?"

* * *

A/N:: I was searching for RISK at the K Mart because my father and my uncle were talking about how they used to play it as children, but my uncle HATED to play with my father because he was so good at it.

Anyway, I couldn't find it. But I did find Apples to Apples and I've always had a BLAST playing that with the other folks from Gaia when we'd have our nightly parties during Otakon so I figured I'd get that- my uncle and my father and my mother are a riot so I figured it'd be fun.

I was not mistaken.

Since my mother ( step mother, actually ) is Estonian/Russian, and English is her 4th language. Her English is, naturally, not perfect, which makes playing with her a bit difficult, but absolutely hilarious. 3

While she was having some trouble coming up with cards to play on virtually every green card ( and doing decently with her random choices ) it occurred to me that the Hetalia crew would be pretty fun to play the game with- because of, what?, potential language barriers, spite and the flat out cruelty some of the countries could dish out. 8D Haha.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little story. 3 I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Ah, if you're curious, I shuffled and dealt the cards out as if they were actually playing. ( Except with Russia's green card, because well, Effervescent seemed silly. ) So I _didn't_ pick a "winner", it just happened that way. 8D

Also, when I ended it I was getting a bit bored with it… So. That's why the ending may seem abrupt.

And! I wrote the story and then went back and added a lot of the extra dialogue because it felt like there wasn't enough. 8D; So if some dialogue doesn't seem to flow, that'll be why.


End file.
